Her parents, especially her father, Frank, shared that pride. But as life would have it, the medical knowledge she learned throughout her career became deeply personal when both her parents began battling Alzheimer’s and dementia.

Marie said, “He had been struggling with remembering things like how to use the TV remote control or where things were in the house. Despite these difficulties, he maintained his routine of walking into town and returning home by bus.”

Over time, Frank’s memory issues worsened, and his wife, Vonnie, reached out to their GP. After a series of tests, Frank was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2019. Vonnie took on the role of Frank’s primary caregiver.

Marie explained, “She coped ok at first, but as his illness progressed, it became clear he was too much for her to handle. She couldn’t clean him properly, and as his speech was affected, he couldn’t make his needs known. He began to suffer from frequent falls.

After one particularly severe fall, he was hospitalised with a head injury. The doctors wanted to discharge him home, but we had to insist he needed to be admitted and at least have a head scan which wasn’t initially offered. He was transferred to a dementia unit and transferred again shortly after to a rehab hospital near his hometown. Unfortunately, he wasn’t very happy and became disruptive, hitting a member of staff and throwing his jug of water across the room.

“He returned to the dementia unit, and his mental health was assessed further. During a visit by my mum, he became very violent and aggressive, which upset my mum. My dad was sectioned under the Mental Health Act and was started on antipsychotic medication. In January 2020, he was transferred to a mental health hospital in Blackpool, where his health continued to decline. By March 2020, he was placed in a care home near his hometown.”

The onset of the pandemic made visiting her dad nearly impossible. Marie added, “Visiting him during the pandemic was very difficult as, initially, no one was allowed into the home. Once a visiting pod was opened, we were allowed to see him but couldn’t touch him, and I remember on one occasion he became very frustrated and punched the perspex window.

“Sadly, my dad contracted COVID-19 and died in January 2021.”

Marie’s mother, Vonnie, had always been in reasonably good health, aside from a long history of depression. She managed to avoid contracting COVID-19 during the height of the pandemic, but around six months after Frank’s death, the family noticed troubling changes.

Marie explained, “She began losing weight, struggling to walk, and forgetting to take her medication. She also began having falls, so we placed cameras in her home so we could keep an eye on her when we couldn’t visit. Carers were coming in twice a day, but often, my mum wouldn’t let them care for her, and eventually, I had to cancel them, and my daughter-in-law began caring for her.

“One of us was constantly watching the cameras through our phones, and one morning, we couldn’t see my mum in her bed. On moving the camera, she was on the floor with the commode on top of her. She had banged her head during the fall, so she was taken to hospital.”

The family faced familiar challenges in advocating for Vonnie’s care. Although there was no official diagnosis of dementia, they recognised the signs.

After being admitted to the hospital, Vonnie contracted Covid-19. She was eventually transferred to the local hospital for rehabilitation and physiotherapy, but her condition had deteriorated significantly. Weighing up the options, it was decided that Vonnie should be moved to a care home in July 2023 for ongoing care and assessment.

Marie added, “Her dementia, now officially diagnosed, has progressed, but her symptoms are different from those my dad experienced. She hasn’t any problems with her speech, but what is upsetting for me is that she thinks my dad has left her.

“My sister thought taking my mum to the funeral service for my dad would help her, but it didn’t. She has never been one to socialise and finds it difficult to mix with other residents. She also cannot remember my youngest son, which is so sad as she looked after him from being three months old so I could do my nurse training.”

Marie and her family visit Vonnie as often as they can, but it is painful to see her upset and crying. Despite these challenges, they take comfort in knowing that Vonnie is receiving good care, which is all they have ever wanted for her.

Reflecting on her experiences, Marie would advise anyone in her position to be as prepared as possible. She added, “I would suggest getting a Lasting Power of Attorney for health and finance as soon as possible for any elderly parents. We only had it for finance for my dad which meant any health meetings had to have a social worker present. I have got both for my mum. Seek advice from any dementia agencies to help; you never know what you might need.”